The Coming Out of the Closet Tour

Oh to be in Bangkok now that Easter is here.

There have been plenty of rumours about how gay the Red Lions are, so it is only right that on the 30th anniversary of this fine tournament, it is marked by the Lions coming out of the closet. This most homosexual of squads is not afraid to get stuck in, in any sense of the term.

The Red Lions line up:

“Gay” Rob. Goalkeeper. It’s said he takes it like a man. Takes it up the arse more like.

Paul Hemingay. Defender. Lights up like a beacon. Especially when he’s surrounded by those tall ladyboys.

Tony Hewitt. Defender. Never happier than when he’s getting a hand job from a transvestite.

Paddy O’Sullivan. Defender. Leads the troops to battle. That sort of discipline can only come from a gay upbringing.

Volker Nagel. Midfield/Goalkeeper. German. Gay. Nuff said.

Mirko Messner. Midfield. Also German, pretends he’s straight. But watch the way he runs. Poofter through and through.

Jan-Hendrik Meidinger. Defender. So gay, he had to have a double-barreled first name.

Andy Rooney. Midfielder/Attacker. The only member of the Red Lions squad who – outwardly at least – could be either way. But he’s not. Screaming bender.

Chris Grimaud. Midfielder. French. Loves Elton John and Wham. Do I need to explain further?

Dave “Robots” Roberts. Supersub. Lives in the area of Shanghai where the rainbow flag is flown proudly. He’ll definitely score this weekend, although whether it’s on the pitch remains to be seen.

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About Mao

Chairman Mao. The man who takes the Taipei Red Lions to new depths of corruption. Hands out more fines for more reasons than any man in history. Thinks he's a good keeper, but try sending in a cross for him to take. But he writes a mean match report. And even occasionally buys a round himself. And he keeps the Politburo in check.
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